Are we all taken in by rubbish on the internet? I mean change who you are, date who they say, no, I date who I want, I live where I want. I mean, ah yes, the meaning of words! For instance, “ignorance is bliss.” Not quite. Tell that to your friendly cop as he writes you a ticket. The pretty u shape front bumper that surrounds a tree and you utter something to the effect that you didn’t know the tree was there. I was once with a friend who backed into a tree. How can the tree get in the way like that? I thought. Yes, the meaning of words.
Or more charmingly, tell your spouse that you forgot to stop at the grocer’s. How blissful. Even more creatively, ignoring that same spouse or at least acting as if you are and wow, you discover that it is not bliss. For there is a favorite saying of mine, “Tell me you love me, tell me you hate me but don’t ignore me”.
Despite moments when a bit of peace and quiet would be lovely, such quietude can be very, very dangerous. In a gentler vein, I well know this since my personality was such that when I didn’t know what to say, I said nothing, absolutely nothing. My ever-patient spouse would often announce very gently, “We need to talk”. She was the initiator, I was the respondent.
Since we all have to deal with growth and development issues from day one, patterns become quite ingrained. And the sweetheart with whom we share life together used to call it marriage, must cope with us during our silent moments. And so I must also do it with her. And it may result in feeling ignored. Not good.
Ignoring does not enhance communication, it is often destructive. Better than violence, yes indeed, but it is not the solution. The quiet, smiley nice guy or gal may seem pleasant and perhaps they are for the moment. For there is time and place for everything. Think there is a Biblical reference to the notion there is a time for everything. In short it just seems quite obvious, I hope, that ignoring teamed with silence just isn’t a good idea. Not day in, day out.
Let me tell you a about being ignored. I do this with some reluctance since I worry about talking about myself. But my story is the only reliable starting point I know as is true of each of us. It is brief, very brief. Looking back into childhood, I was essentially ignored. It must have been true or I would have some memory of bad moments meaning shouting, screaming harsh denouncement of some kind. It has always seemed odd to me and only recently can I openly say to myself and to you I was ignored. This is not a plea for pity but the recognition that I am not alone as I have read a number of articles and met one person in particular who clearly states he felt ignored in what he describes as a typical English family. Needless to say, we formed an almost instant rapport. Not until I was 23 years old did that change when I met she who was to become my bride. Roughly 60 years later the impact of that meeting still lingers and I marvel at how a lifetime of loyalty evolved; yes, loyalty is an accurate word for the moment.
So once again, each individual must take responsibility for not nurturing the silence while recalling that ignoring another person, especially a child or a spouse is not a golden opportunity.